BroBQ V: The V Stands for Five

It is hard to believe that it was only five years ago that a group of devastatingly handsome young bros got together at a local watering hole and had a dream. Our dream was a simple one; to start a compound where we were free to practice polygamy and follow the principles laid forth by our leader Joseph Smith. No longer would we live in fear and face persecution for our beliefs. After a few more beers and some iphone research we realized that places like this already existed. As it turns out they are called fundamentalist Mormons and they’re actually kind of creepy. So instead we scaled back our plan and decided to have a small gathering celebrating the one thing left that the Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints had not yet commandeered…bros. And it was on that day five years ago that BroBQ was born.

As I reflect back on those infant years of our now strong movement I’m reminded of a quote by this dude Malcolm X, “I believe in brotherhood but I don’t believe in wasting brotherhood on anyone who doesn’t want to practice it with me.” Now I don’t know much about this Malcolm X or what he did, but I have to assume he was referring to the “brotherhood” of a bunch of white dudes from Westchester. It seems that even all those years ago he truly understood the nature of our struggle. The struggle to secure the proper permits to throw an amazing outdoor party. The struggle to not “break the seal” too early even after three consecutive gun boats. The struggle of figuring out who will return our empty kegs and take back what is ours…the deposits. Malcolm X knew the pains of being a bro…do you?

Last year the bros cemented their place in local folklore as they challenged and defeated a group confused and reluctant Guatemalan day laborers at soccer. The final score was 4-1, but more importantly we looked great with our shirts off. The highlight of the match came when Brian Marx sent an unsuspecting opponent to the hospital with a devastating, ankle destroying slide tackle. From what I hear that young man is well on his way to recovery and although intense physical therapy will keep him from attending BroBQ V, he will be there in spirit.

A lot has happened in the past year. Kanye stole the spotlight from Taylor Swift at the VMA’s. Alex Chilton died. Actually, that’s all I can really think of but the point is a lot of shit has gone down and we could all use a day to reflect and relax…a day to get toasted and twisted.

That day is May 29th, 2010 as BroBQ V invades the disgusting oily shores of Georges Island. Here are just a few of the key ingredients: dynamite, pole-vaulting, laughing gas, choppers - can you see how incredible this is going to be? Oh, also there will be lots of free beer. Lots. So let’s get together and make bad decisions. It’s fun for the whole family.

Despite rumors claiming otherwise, we are allowing women and black people at BroBQ V, in fact we encourage them to come and enjoy themselves after a brief background check and a light frisking. If there is one thing us bros are not, it is racist (except when it comes to Gypsies and Native Americans).

Rides to and from George’s Island will be provided for those of you who are too pussy to just steal a car and drive drunk. Email your bro representative for more information on how to secure a ride.

A top secret after party has already been arranged complete with live music, kegs of beer, a bottle of Mezcal, three joints of dank, a sheet of acid, a teen wolf, a tent with two open tanks of nitrous and plenty of unoccupied rooms for unprotected sex. The location of said party will be announced as we are getting kicked out of Georges Island for shooting roman candles into piles of dried up leaves and brush. We love to party, fuck all posers.

Anywayzzzzz, we’ll be taping the keg of glory on May 29th, 2010 at Noon at George’s Island.

Do you want to taste the glory? I thought so. Lock it the fuck in!!